Sunday, January 09, 2011

what just Happened?!

I find myself freed from something I created on my own.  It was the entrapment from what I thought was school and the push towards that goal.  When I finished my last class, with just my masters essay to go, I went to work the next day.  And that's when it washed over me that I could do anything I wanted; start another band; join a gym; begin recreational reading; become an avid bowler.  So many choices that are now available to me all of a sudden!    

As quickly as that wave of emotion came, what followed was a profound question.  What stopped me from doing all that before?  I know that I may have literally been busy, but the more I realized what was hitting me I understood that it wasn't that all those ambitious things were not available to me to do, but that instead it was that I prevented them.  And more so, I was emotionally stopped.  It was the feeling of burden, and for no more reason then that I was in a self imposed stupor.

What hit me that day after my last class was the enlightened feeling that all is possible for me to do.  My ambition meter immediately shot off the scale.  And so I am left realizing that I never want to be the way I was before, bogged down in a rut that I get to attribute to my worries of tests 3 months in the future.  Or papers due in a week.  Or anything else like that for that matter.  I am free to do anything, I hope that I just don't do things for myself now but to better all around me and in my life.

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