When God wants to work on you, He will use anything and take however long it takes to do so. What has surprised me lately is the amount of self awareness He has placed upon me. Prior to this self awareness, I think I was just going through the motions for a while. During a time even prior to that, not to confuse the time line, I had been learning a lot on my own by experiencing life and community in a very different manner than I have previously.
So as I write, God has rescued me from a lull that for better or worse happened. It was just a time where you go to school, do work, wake up at a certain time, go to youth group Saturday night, sleep in Sunday morning, have an adventure here and there, and pause a moment and say 'didn't I just do this yesterday, not last week?!' And during this time I was being stripped of things I assumed both of myself and the world I live in. Now I'm being clothed by what God wants me to wear and how to show it off to the world. What I did not know was that during the lull I was being shown for who I had allowed myself to become. Complacent with knowing God intellectually, talking about Him here and there, all the while continuing in sins that I figured would become healed eventually, but just not right now for some reason.
He woke me up.
The honesty that came down upon me was overwhelming. By showing me Christians who live as though He is right here among us I have been refreshed in knowing that He is here and I do not have to define myself by appeasing the person next to me. Instead, I can demonstrate this amazing saving God who is with me right now. Practicing the presence of God.
Another wake up call came from newer Christians. The refreshment came from hearing what they have been saved from, some pretty radical changes, amazing because I seriously carried around doubts that such changes could take place. This certainly was a faith issue. The passion that they have is tenfold of mine, maybe because they have been saved from a lot, or maybe simply just because they know who has saved them, and I have an intellectual concept instead of a Shepherd saving a sheep from a falling rock. Why I doubted that these changes could occur was simply a lack of experience with such people in my generation. Maybe I have heard of people on tv or in print or at larger seeker churches, but not face to face talks with people who have come back home to Father. I now know prodigal sons and daughters are coming to Him all the time, and this has increased my own faith.
Last, God basically revealed that I can keep on sinning, keep bringing death upon myself, or I can simply put an end to it. He has always given me a way out of these sins, but I haven't taken them. Its hard of course, speaking from a human sense. I'm just glad that I always knew that it was sin. Some don't, even in the Christian family, and this is saddening because He wants us to help each other out and He wants to guide us by His Spirit. This can't happen without self awareness. And what I had become aware of I knew already, but I didn't realize this literally could be what defines me before God. Better to have Jesus define me!