I write about sin because I'm told I am sinful (Romans 3:23). Then, I come to realize that I'm not just being told this, but I find myself to be sinful (Romans 7:14). Then, I am reassured by the Lord, the comforter, the actual Saviour that it is He who grants the power and ability to break free from this sin I now realize that I struggle with (Romans 7:24-25; 1 John 2:1-2).
Where I am often scared and rightfully fearful is afterward; when will this happen again?
I should claim victory and rest in the sacrificial blood spilled by Christ. It is over, it is finished, the matter is so done with that when Christ speaks on my behalf to God, God ends up freeing me from any accusation (Colossians 1:22). That is worth thanking enough. It is worth becoming my motivation, that He has completely forgiven me so that I can be at peace afterwards and continue living for Him. But my fear of repetition aches me. I understand grace, so if I have been given what I do not deserve, why could I place a bet on the fact that I will sin in some form in the next day (let alone the next moment!)?
I think I have to stop forecasting the future. That is such a dangerous practice of ours, that we can dream about tomorrow. It would be best to leave tomorrow where it is located because the present calls for way more attention. Living presently with Kingdom thoughts and reactions are better ways to react to anything. However, my disappointment in knowing that the same temptation that came my way and won will come again should be laid wayside if I truly believe that Christ can inhabit me with His Spirit. That inhabiting presence is always there, it is all about whether I want to walk hand in hand or at an awkward distance. And when the tempter does come again, I hope that I can laugh in my weakness knowing full well the strength that Christ supplies me.
Honestly, I need to get over it not because of the guilt, that is gone, but because of the uncertain future. The more uncertain the better, it will be exciting and make for a better story anyway!