Sunday, August 07, 2005

Others

So as we are getting pulled over on the entrance ramp, I'm wondering why am I trembling? What is this fear that I have, that I'm experiencing? I could not understand it at all considering that I was not the person driving, I had no drugs on me or in me, and I had no warrant out for my arrest. So what was there to fear? I kept trying to reason out the situation, figuring that obviously I had nothing at all to fear. But I kept feeling a steady tremor pulsating through my body along with a twisting of my stomach. There was nothing that I ate previously that could have been doing this, especially since the feeling didn't commence until we were pulled over.

So what than? Where was this coming from? Enough with the questions, I was thinking to myself. I began to ponder, all the while my best friend is being handcuffed because he was driving with a suspended license. Could this alone be the factor that was turning my stomach into knots? Of course, with his girlfriend being right next to me in the back of the car panicking and adding more drama to the scene than what was already being provided sure helped the fear factor.

I began to reason the obvious and work from there; this fear is the fear of power/authority. I usually react more emotionally than my friends. I hold it inside though, feeling as though I am being way to over concerned with the matter. 'Feelings' are always things that a man should not possess. OK, we have all heard that before, but I wonder if they (feelings) come from what each individual has dealt with through the growing period of his/hers life. I began to doubt this because some people have experienced much tougher situations in life than I have, and some have gone through life still trying to break the habit of sucking on their thumbs.

I had to come to the conclusion though that this was only the 2nd time in my life I have ever been involved in being pulled over. The first time is when I was actually pulled over for an illegal turn, which I got a ticket that would later be stripped from my record anyway. My best friend though, well he had a suspended license, so I don't need to go into detail, but he has gone through this experience a number of times. So experience is very crucial here.

I still can't answer why I was unable to control the way I was feeling. And it struck me. Authority. I feared it the same way that I fear God's authority. Good, end of blog. But it can't be, because that is to loose of a comparison. I say this because I don't' think that I get this way often. I mean in a way towards God, as in breaking His law. His law is a stumbling block that we can never live up to, so as I go on serving Him I'm going to slip up and mess up a demand of His every now an then (hopefully every now and then and not any more frequently.) God does not send His police force out to patrol us and write us tickets and throw us in jail while we are in this world. No, we have to acknowledge that there is a punishment without a pat down and strip search, that the trial happens and is over with as soon as we commit a sin. It is ultimately wrong in His eyes and ultimately wrong gets charged right away. Fortunately, God is patient and forgiving, and compassionate. compassionate in that He sacrificed His Son to pay for my sin and yours. Fortunately, he does not pull us over. A consequence is instore if we do not understand that we just sinned, but if we confess, He is willing to forgive.

So where is the fear and why should there have been any? Because in the same way that the cops instilled fear in me just by the presence that they had, that something was happening to my friend but yet I was scotch free, the Fear of God is the same. I should be just as concerned at my own well being with God as I should be concerned with my neighbors. I feared that my friend was being judged and that there was nothing I could do about it by than. He was let out of the car after he got ripped by the cops, state cops for that matter, about driving with a suspended license. As he should have been. But grace was demonstrated as they let him out instead of imprisoning him overnight as they could have. I was so concerned though about his trial, his trouble with the authority that I realized my struggle with the authority is fine and all, but could I have not done something to prevent my best friends trouble with the authority?

How about could I do something about his trouble with the Ultimate Authority, as he is not on track with that Authority. Should I not be in fear and trembling over my lost friends struggle with God? I should be that concerned all the time, because the most I can do is teach him about that Authority's plan, which I have failed to fully do so yet.

Woe to me for not spreading the message, the warning.

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