It is quite amazing that I would be able to come full circle in understanding God. See, I walked with faith when I was young growing up in church (hmm, that must be what Jesus meant in Mark 10:15 "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it") . Then I got it destroyed by a couple of internet sites about people who take God's word to the extreme, coming to different conclusions after long drawn out studies of what it takes to believe and just exactly who the wolves in sheeps clothing are that are leading the masses to death. But now I come back to realize two key elements that have been revealed to me after coming across these sites; one being that God should not be taken lightly, he just cant be used as a trump card whenever we need to use Him (i.e. death, Sunday morning, political arguments, etc.), that instead we need to keep changing into becoming better than what we think we are (pride), and the second being that we need to read into scripture very carefully and meticulously.
These people might have rattled me for a little while with their drawn out explanations on how everyone is pretty much a false prophet except them, or how that all will be saved by God, whether in this age or in the next. These are matters that made me look deeper into the bible than I ever have before, and enabled the Spirit to dig deeper into my mind and cultivate it like it has never been before. Without these direct threats to the comfort that I have grown into, I think I would have continued being way to comfortable with just faith and not acting upon it. Are these two shocking statements true or, not? I have to keep living and breathing God in order to figure things like this out.
As I go on now, a more renewed mind then before, I am so confident in my faith in God that I think I'm getting closer to that mustard seed faith. It is that faith, that faith like a child that is so willing to except God without asking all these hard, deep questions that will allow me to persevere. I cant just go around with faith, as James tells us; it must produce the good fruit, it must change my actions, all of them. I cant keep on deliberately sinning against God after hearing Him and knowing Him (Hebrews 10:26), because that is exactly like cheating on Him.
My faith is there, and it saves me. Then this faith must work through me. I cant become complacent with who I am. I must continue to change. None of this by the way was stirred up by my Baptist congregation, but from the internet guys. Sure they might seem extreme from the beginning, and even after surfing through their site, but I was able to take valuable lessons from them. Not their theology or anything, but small points.
Some people need a kick in the ass to get going, some people don't. I needed to get put into misery in order to come out stronger and more determined in my faith upon the Cross then ever.
P.S. I would like to note that for a readers perspective, I am not saying that one has to now walk around wondering if they are saved or not because they got angry the other day at the microwave for blowing up. I am saying exactly what the Word tells us, that we need to be conscience about our decisions and actions as believers, even to not be afraid of re-evaluating where our walk with God is currently, to not be afraid to change even more!